Birth Bullied - A True Story
It all began when Jacy, the day before her due date, went in for a non-stress test. The monitor strip showed a healthy baby safely growing inside his healthy mom during a healthy pregnancy. That should have been the end of the story.
But it wasn’t.
The doctor breezed into her cubicle and said, “The baby looks perfect. Your pregnancy is perfect. And I’m a perfectionist and want to keep it that way. So here’s what we’re going to do since tomorrow is your due date. (And besides, this baby is BIG. Nine pounds at least.)”
“We’re going to admit you, insert a Foley balloon catheter to dilate you, then I’ll break your water in the morning, and give you Pitocin.”
Jacy was understandably startled and asked, “Do you mean I’m going to have the baby tonight?”
“I didn’t say that. I said you are having a balloon catheter tonight. You’ll have the baby tomorrow.”
“But I’m not ready. I didn’t pack a bag for me or the baby. I need to go home and prepare!”
“Get someone else to pack your stuff. Now, come follow me to your room.”
Jacy, thankfully, had doula support. Her doula helped her to sort through the shocking information:
Did Jacy believe or did the doctor indicate in any way that this was an emergency that required immediate and radical intervention?
Is a hospital a prison? Is she a prisoner?
How would Jacy like to proceed since the decision is completely hers?
What would you have done in this situation?
Jacy walked out of the cubicle and told the doctor at the nurses station that she was going to go home, and that she would prepare and return (because she actually did want to be induced; a nine+ pounder sounded scary!).
Now, you’d think that since she hadn’t been admitted yet and she wasn’t in any kind of emergency situation (she and baby were ‘perfect’) that she could have just walked out the door at that point. But that’s not the way it’s done.
This doctor (a woman) was angry. She slammed a legal document down on the counter and told Jacy she had to sign it (which isn’t true; you don’t have to sign anything). She said the document was releasing her (the doctor) from any liability since Jacy was insisting on being discharged and leaving the premises against medical advice, and that if anything bad happened, it was on Jacy, not the doctor…AND she had to have two witnesses sign it as well. (Thankfully there were three other people there who could serve as witnesses.)
Jacy signed the document, and the doctor - probably knowing she didn’t have a legal leg to stand on - grabbed the document and said, “I’ll figure out later who the two witnesses will be.”
And she marched off.
I’m sure you recognize the bullying and gaslighting:
Jacy was never asked, nor did she give consent to having a balloon catheter or an induction.
The doctor specifically stated that the baby and Jacy were perfect, so there was no hurry to induce.
Jacy had not been admitted to the hospital, so she couldn’t be ‘discharged.’
The doctor clearly bullied her into a timeframe and procedure that benefited the doctor (“I’m a perfectionist and want to keep it that way.”) and not Jacy.
The doctor was rude and used scare tactics (“at least a nine pound baby; you are leaving against my advice; the liability is on you”) to bully and gaslight Jacy into compliance. She did return a few hours later for the interventions because she was afraid of having a big baby that would require a cesarean.
End of Story: Jacy ended up having a 7 pound, 4 oz boy the next day after a relatively quick labor and delivery. Mom and baby are doing well. (Did you catch that? Two pounds less than threatened!)
This whole post is about advocating for yourself, questioning everything, being confident. Jacy’s labor and delivery went exactly how she hoped and planned despite the rocky beginning. Bully doctors don’t have to ruin your birth experience. You can continue to advocate each step of the way, like Jacy did. She wanted delayed cord clamping, skin to skin, no cesarean, and to be allowed to breastfeed.
God was with her, watching over her and her son. She invited God to be at the center of her story, and spent time in prayer before the induction began. She focused on God and the peace He gives us that passes all understanding despite bullies in the room.